Baggage advice for UK passengers, courtesy of the BBC. Commentary in capitals:
The arrangements, announced by the Department for Transport, apply to all passengers starting their journey at a UK airport, and to those transferring between flights at a British airport. PRAISE THE LORD
All cabin baggage must be processed as hold baggage and carried in the hold of passenger aircraft departing UK airports. AMEN
Passengers may take through the airport security search area, in a single, transparent plastic carrier bag, only the following items. Nothing may be carried in pockets:
# Pocket-size wallets and pocket-size purses plus contents (for example money, credit cards, identity cards, etc – not handbags)
# Travel documents essential for the journey (for example passports and tickets)
# Prescription medicines and medical items sufficient and essential for the flight (eg, diabetic kit), except in liquid form unless verified as authentic. (AS IN, HOW?) Passengers are advised to bring medicines in containers where the seal has not been broken
# Spectacles and sunglasses, without cases KUDOS TO ‘SUNGLASSES HUT
# Contact lens holders, without bottles of solution I CAN HARDLY WAIT TO APPLY MY LENSES WITH THE BACTERIA-LADEN WATER IN THE PLANE’S W/C
# For those travelling with an infant: baby food, milk (the contents of each bottle must be tasted by the accompanying passenger) (LOVE THAT SIMILAC) and sanitary items sufficient and essential for the flight…TIME TO POTTY TRAIN THAT 2 MONTH OLD… (nappies, wipes, creams and nappy disposal bags)
# Female sanitary items sufficient and essential for the flight, if unboxed (eg tampons, pads, towels and wipes) REMEMBER, NO CHANGES OF PAD OR TAMPON PLEASE, WE’RE BRITISH.
# Tissues (unboxed) and/or handkerchiefs HOW VEDDY KIND
# Keys (but no electrical key fobs). All passengers must be hand searched, and their footwear and all the items they are carrying must be X-ray screened. GREAT, AT LEAST I DON’T GET AN EXTRA BILL IN THE POST FROM THE RADIOLOGIST’S OFFICE
Pushchairs and walking aids must be X-ray screened, and only airport-provided wheelchairs may pass through the screening point. I FEEL MUCH SAFER
Any purchases made in departure lounges will be permitted onboard aircraft, with the exception of those flying to the US.
I CAN HARDLY WAIT TO HAVE MY COLOGNE AND SCOTCH WHISKEY RIPPED FROM MY HANDS AS A TERRORIST THREAT TO THE NATION. FRANKLY, I’D RATHER SEE ILLICIT BOTTLES OF WATER, FORMULA AND HERSHEY BARS PURCHASED IN ‘DUTY FREE’ CONCESSIONS THAN SARAH PALIN ON MY FLIGHT. PERSONAL OPINION ONLY.
Those traveling to the US will be able to purchase goods for consumption in the airport but no additional items, other than those on the list, can be carried onto the aircraft. WHAT A RELIEF.
In addition to the above, all passengers boarding flights to the US and all the items they are carrying must be subjected to secondary search at the boarding gate. I CAN HARDLY WAIT. THIS IS SO SENSUAL.
Any liquids discovered will be removed from the passenger. GOD, I HOPE THEY FRISK ME.
There are no changes to current hold baggage security measures. SUBJECT TO CHANGE WITHOUT NOTICE.
Passengers are being asked to allow themselves plenty of extra time and to ensure that other than the few permitted items listed above, all their belongings are placed in their hold baggage and checked in. DON’T YOU LOVE LEAVING YOUR HOME TEN HOURS BEFORE AN EIGHT HOUR FLIGHT. HAVE A GOOD DAY…HAPPY TRAILS.
If passengers have any questions on their travel arrangements or security in place at airports they should contact their airline or carrier. GIVE YOURSELF AN ADDITIONAL TWO HOURS TO WORK THROUGH THE PHONE TREE CONNECTION…. GOOD LUCK AND GODSPEED.
Story from BBC NEWS:
Published: 2006/08/12 09:23:01 GMT
© BBC MMVIII