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Travel

Where in the world is yumyumcherry? Even better question, where is her checked luggage?

Paging Samuel L. Jackson……

No, it’s not another B grade Movie—IT’S Qantas Airlines flight 191.

Apparently a Scrub Python became a stowaway on a 1 hour and 50 minute flight from Cairns, Australia to Port Moseby, New Guinea.

Despite 400km winds and a -12 degree temperature the snake managed to cling to the wing of the airplane for the duration of the trip—-

Unfortunately despite his desire to emigrate to the Paradise that is Papua, he was pronounced DOA.

I wonder if Qantas also lost his luggage.

What a Relief!! It’s BIG America, Part Deux

Based on the menu options, I guess it’s pretty apparent that as AMERICANS we have reputations for Eating all the freaking time…..sort of an ‘attach the nose bag’ and ride off into the sunset kind of proposition.

And, we like our portions UNCONTROLLED….as we graze merrily. We do get extra points for coordination while gun slinging– it’s not easy to operate a 357 Magnum with one hand while we grope for our NEXT snack in the greasy paper sack. Hence–we just put the entire meal in a bun.

Voila.
All at once.
Just say AHhhhhhhhh

Oh gosh, someone left the stainless fry tongs in the bag—-oh well…..gone in 60 seconds.

….anyone see “mike-chan?” oh well gone, too……..I guess it’s not just about the mayonnaise anymore…..

The real issue that I have with the BIG America, second series (or the second coming as my intestines refer to it….) is that none look particularly appealing.

Okay, the TEXAS Burger (That’s right, George, we’re gonna “rassel” with one o these…..) is fair enough. It doesn’t photograph nearly ‘gooey’ as most of the burger “connessieurs” I know would prefer. Just ask around at the Jackson Hole Burger stops in NYC……

“Burger Idaho” (is that like ‘Ski, Colorado”–nice ad) sports…yeah, predictably potatoes. I don’t know about the other Americans in the room, but I’ve never actually seen an American order potatoes ON their burger. Not once. Really. Okay, well, fair enough…..they could be onto something.

“Miami Burger”–which features Tortilla chips (is this racist or something?) atop the patty…one hopes it is served with some non-union picked lettuce in keeping with their theme du jour. Again, kidding aside, it’s the side order issue…Is the apple pie under the bun, too? I mean, it’s gotta be there if you look.

Finally, the Manhattan Burger donning one slice of pastrami. (G-D Miriam, I hope it’s Kosher). I don’t know if this concoction was an afterthought and they needed four selections? Shouldn’t there at least be bagel chips on the hamburger? A Pretzel? How are we supposed to keep up the 4,000 calorie a meal plan without more carbs? Maybe this is their ‘diet’ option.

Better hurry—Only available until February, plan your next trip to Nihon around this menu selection.

Buh-Bye Mr. Slater

Well, I think it’s really ‘charming’ that this poor steward got his knickers in a twist. Jet Blue spared no expense in hiring the cool collected type that I know I’d want at the helm in an aeronautical emergency.

Oh–I’ve heard the testimony of other crew members as well as senior staff at Jet Blue Airlines sing the praises of Mr. Slater. They applauded his dedication and courtesy in the face of even the most demanding passenger insisting on that one more bag of peanuts. Almost unanimously they agreed that he had just been pushed too darned far.

Certainly opening the air chute and grabbing a beer on the slide down was a move of Finesse. It takes years of training (or a heck of a lot of trips to a water park) to get the hang of that maneuver….especially with a six pack in toe.

Okay, Has anyone ever seen footage–old film perhaps– of travel in the good old days (in this case, even into the early eighties)? The stewardesses (and damn, they liked being called that….) were actually attractive enough that I (hey, I’m a chick) would look twice. I mean the last crew on a flight that I flew domestically had women that looked like THEY could use a shave at the end of five hours. Boy, the good ‘ole days….Flight attendants ACTUALLY ATTENDED the flights. Hummmmmm, I mean— they would say ‘please’ and didn’t sneer indignantly at your request of sugar for your tepid cuppa.

The report is that this steward, Mr. Slater, was stressed. He demanded an apology from a passenger who cursed at him instead. Awwwww…sticks and stones. I mean he is paid for working the flight or is this some sort of occupational therapy that he’s volunteered for here…….”Stressed?” The flippin’ flight was from Pittsburgh to New York. You can barely drive from Midtown to Canal Street in rush hour in that same amount of time.

How ’bout a little of that Jet Blue spun sympathy for those of us NON UNION idiots forced to ante up for everything from Carry-On bags (That’s the ‘Spirit’) $25.00 for your overhead slot— to one piece of luggage. All for the privilege of flying hours in a seat that a yoga instructor couldn’t pose in without spraining something.

Yeah, yeah…I can understand how the guy must just be at his wits end restocking that lavatory with tissue—and those crossword/word search puzzles they all fiddle with in the galley as they eat meals compiled of anything edible that they didn’t have to part with…..are enough to make anyone violate Federal Safety Regulations.

While I find this resonant ‘esprit de corps’ quite lovely in theory, it doesn’t instill me with confidence nor does it convince me that THEY (let’s show a little solidarity….WRITE that on your facebook wall) are WELL TRAINED (much less psychologically tested) for the job at hand.

If this “steward” just can’t manage telling another passenger to ’stay seated’—– THE PRESSURE, THE PRESSURE …..(’yes, Virginia…some people actually DO remove their seatbelts when the sign IS STILL ON–Gasp), then by all means HE should do something more suited to his personality type. Maybe sand mosaics or artisan pot holders in a supportive environment.

bye, bye

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