Eyelashes at Bat

Tokyo Lash Bar by Shu.

Okay, I know, it’s great to have nice eyelashes, but I draw the line at things that end in peacock feathers and fur. The only really nice lashes I’ve ever seen are on three year old boys. That’s it. The rest of us need to cope (use that ‘Smiley’ eau de parfum and get over it). First of all, these babies aren’t cheap. Second, have you ever put on a strip of feather adorned lashes? I have and I’m not telling you about it, JUST Don’t do it. If you feel you must try this (and call someone first so they can alert EMS if need be), the short, INDIVIDUAL Black ones are the best way to go. Unless you are a blond. UNLESS YOU ARE A REAL BLOND. (I’m waiting) Okay, you should buy black. Now, you will need to purchase the glue for these babies separately. Gotcha. Okay, you take your tweezers (and please use POINTED Tweezerman tweezers or you will be there for a very, very long time) and extract the clumped lash segments and dip them into a SMALL dot of adhesive. Stay close to the lash line and don’t use more than four segments per eye.

Do you have a Bobbie Brown portable eyelash curler? It’s the size of a pencil sharpener and it will take you everywhere you need to go, unlike American Express.

Curl YOUR lashes WITH the false lashed affixed—slowly does it, there are less painful ways to go blind (or make your palms turn green).

Next, apply mascara–a SMALL amount. This is done more to integrate the lashes than lengthen, etc. So don’t pull a Tammy Faye and use the whole tube. Once around the block should be sufficient.

Now, as a service to you all, I’m going to confide that you should actually say Sayonara to SHU and shoot for Sally Hansen or Andrea (if they still produce that brand) in a Supermarket/drugstore, because this thrill is not worth more than $5.00. It is the same darned thing. I LOVE to shop. I LOVE to waste Vast Amounts of Money on Durable Consumer Goods. This is just not worth the thrill.