Well, Koji-san, there are always Spanx…

Fella’s, as you’ve aged and you’re now in your mid forties, DO YOU find that you can no longer shop in the 8-12 year old section at Penny’s? Can you no longer borrow your teenage daughter’s ‘super cool American’ belts? Are you finishing your Happy Meal with too much gusto—eating all your Junior Cheeseburger and barely throwing out any fries? Desperate times need Desperate measures.

You need more than just a plan as you lie there on the floor sleeping a full four hours a night without doing a bit of work as you vegetate. No wonder you’ve gotten sloppy.

Ladies—-can you no longer get in those jeans you wore when you were five? Have your boobs stopped ‘training’ now to go PRO at 32A? Are you finding yourself actually EATING rather than merely pushing those morsels of raw fish around on your plate–All three .005 ounce CHUNKS?? It’s time to Stop the INSANITY!!!!!

…..,the Japanese Government has Rules for you to conform to NOW.
aka LAWS implemented, but perhaps Ignored by YOU, Fatso-san.

The average Salaryman or Woman between the age of 40 and 74 must now measure their waistlines as part of their National Health annual checkup. (Also mandatory, but sometimes ignored in this rebellious age–). If they’re overweight, they face consequences. I would have written about this sooner, but my laptop was hiding under a mound of Pop Tart crumbs and I couldn’t pry myself away from the sale bags of Halloween candy I got (even though kids don’t really stop at my house to Trick or Treat—-especially if I keep all the lights off and ignore the ringing)……

The measure (pardon the pun), which will cover 44 per cent of the country’s population -some 56 million Japanese citizens – stipulates that people whose waists exceed the allowable limits – 33.5 inches for men and 35.4 inches for women (Kore wa non desu-ka?) – will be given three months to get in shape. Failing that, they will be given another six months of health re-education (anytime you see mandated “re-education” you know you’re in trouble) to reduce their girth. Companies with large-waisted employees will be financially penalised. Critics (all slobs-sic) say that the government guidelines are too strict and that more than half of all Japanese men will be considered overweight. Well, I don’t know about you, but when I envision a Japanese man in my mind, he’s one plump pidgeon (photo by ‘The Programmer’s Stone’…..I just want to bread up that bird and make some nuggets).

Pidgeon by the Programmers StonePhoto: the Programmers Stone

The Japanese government argues that these measures are necessary for prevention of diabetes and cardiovascular diseases (CVDs), as well as to tamp down rising health care costs. According to the Ministry of Health, the underlying problem is metabolic syndrome (MS),aka ‘metabo,’ supposed risk factors, such as waist circumference, high blood pressure and high levels of blood glucose and cholesterol. (Not to mention getting a nod from the ‘Clean Plate Club….’)

Well, Koji-san, there are always Spanx……..

  1. Aubrey
  2. Ashley

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